I saw a note to myself in my filofax, which I have been looking at making more useful and jazzing it up a bit. It was a note for a blog post. All it said was “A Bigger Life” and I only have a vague sense of what it meant when I wrote it. I think, perhaps, it was about feeling like my life had become focused on small things. Away from my dreams and goals. Focusing inwards and not outwards, or outwards but not reflecting enough.
I can’t recall. At the moment what it means is that I have been letting little things get to me. Small things. Petty jealousies, little worries mounting up. Like a thousand little threads, pinning me to the spot. Immobile. Not a nice place to be but I am okay. I am being more self-aware – particularly about the worries and jealousies. Stopping the negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones. Letting go of what I can’t control. Caring about the people I love, in whatever way they need.
So I muddle onwards. Thinking if my filofax gets better organised them my life would be too. Trying to remember what my dreams are. I have an interview for that job, and a lovely cold/cough to take with me to it. Luckily it doesn’t seem to be bronchitis, it feels different than two months ago. However, it has interfered with my plans to see little Milly tomorrow. I want to keep this to myself.
Today has been quiet, and I don’t know why I feel flat. Maybe it’s just being sick. Or feeling like things are out of control a bit, or not knowing what I want. I think it’s because I am sick and have over-thinking. Time tomorrow to focus on preparation for the job interview. And my PhD supervisor is going to call me on Skype from the UK tomorrow night to talk about it.
Onwards and upwards…one step at a time 🙂