I had a note stuck on my computer when I was doing my PhD. It read “Focus + Discipline = Freedom.” Somewhere in the last two years I have lost that focus. I feel like I lose or waste a lot of time. What my mum would call ‘frittering it away’ – she uses that term for wasting time and money.
Some of what I do certainly isn’t a waste of time. I talk to friends. Read. Work. I’ve started knitting again. I do watch too much TV (although it tends to be on in the background while I am on my other biggest time waster – Facebook).
So what do I want to do with my time? What am I not discipined enough about? Well, I am not in a decent routine with housework, I don’t exercise, and I don’t cook enough healthy meals for myself. I don’t write, aside from this blog occasionally.
What do I need to do? What do I want to do? I want to be more organised, because more organisation means more time to be lazy without feeling guilty. I want to spend less time at work, so that means being focused and disciplined while I am there. And it also means having the strength to leave on time. I have to stop ignoring things like my health and wellbeing.
I know that I tend to set unrealistic goals for myself. That I beat myself up a lot for being imperfect. I assume the blame for everything. However, I learned some valuable lessons in the past week and a half. Mainly that patience really is a virtue. So is paying attention to your body when it comes to a halt and you have to rest. Everything is behind at work, and I have to focus and get things done. A lot of things.
I am still waiting to hear if I have an interview for the new position. And I know I need to prepare well for that interview. I need to not panic about the work that needs to be done and get stuck in – remember that I cannot do everything at once. I want to run around and clean the house from top to bottom, but I am not. I am sitting here updating my blog. Telling myself that overdoing it when I finally feel like my bronchitis is clearing would not be wise. Isn’t it funny how I resisted the need to sit and do nothing all week, and now that I am better and can do things, I prevaricate. Cannot decide what to do first so I do nothing. The house is a mess. It needs cleaning. Probably two weeks of solid spring cleaning. However I don’t have two weeks. And I don’t have an organised list of what to do. Ahh lists…we need more lists!!
I do have some more things to do in my lovely little house. So far today I have done the dishes, put a load of washing in front of the heater, and changed the cat litter. I am focusing on what will make my life easier this week. And what is driving me craziest. I need to vacuum and I need to iron and put all the clothes away. If I get those two things done, I know I will feel better about the week. I may even go out and get groceries so I don’t have to do it on the way home from work tomorrow night.
Focus…on to the vacuuming…